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“Do you know when they say soul mates? Everybody uses it in personal ads. “Soul mate wanted.” It doesn’t even mean too much now. But soul mates – think about it. When your soul – whatever that is anyway – something so alive when you make music or love and so mysteriously hidden most of the rest of time, so colorful and big but without color or shape – when your soul finds another soul it can recognize even before the rest of you knows about it.”

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last day in jersey.
tonight i’ll be flying to london and tomorrow morning back to cold hannover and to the flat that, even though it’s not really small, feels claustrophobic to me.

now that summer is gone i regret having done everything wrong in germany.
i could have gone out for walks more often. should have taken my camera to eilenriede once more, as it’s just 3 blocks away from out flat. should have left the room, the computer to go out and buy fresh wild mushrooms from the street markets, should have taken photos of the coloured fruit and vegetables stalls, the flowers for sale in artisanal ceramic pots. should have watched more german tv, even if i couldn’t understand a thing, and learnt to swear in goethe’s language, eaten more sauerkraut, seen more, enjoyed more instead of just sleeping-browsing-eating-shopping.

i was too busy complaining about the situation to pay attention to germany and be grateful for the chances it gave me. the business chances to the british boy. the chance to finally bring my cat here. the chance of being able to live in a different country, immerse in another culture that, if not so appealing to me, had so much to teach me; and i feel i’ve learned so little.

but i still have three months. when it will probably be colder than the coldest i have experienced in my life, the snow will cover the streets and roofs, the christmas markets will make me put on weight and my december 25 will be white.
if i can’t be grateful for that, than i’m a professional stupid.
*runs to h&m to stock up on coloured woollen gloves*

yesterday, saying goodbye to the island (that is starting to get ready for winter):

because cats are not vegetarians:

see ya in january/rebruary, island.

because last night i went to bed feeling a bit sad.
because there are certain simple, necessary things that i’ll never have.
things that i will never be allowed to have or be, and maybe will never understand why.

but that was yesterday.





and today is a day to stop searching for answers that just cannot be given. maybe not now. maybe never.
and is a day to simply accept, gratefully, everything i have and everything i am.

so you must not be frightened if a sadness rises up before you larger than any you have ever seen; if a restiveness, like light and cloud-shadows, passes over your hands and over all you do.
you must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall.

tagged by bellekitsune
The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 6 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in awhile.

1. the adorable old man who sold me vintage doll furniture yesterday, from his shop that opens only 3 hours a day, 3 days a week.
2. seeing my belly disappear.
3. realize that there’s still people around who want me to be part of their lives.
4. receive a lot of YOU Magazine’s old issues in the mail.
5. a glass of sekt.
6. legalsounds.com

tagging whoever wants to do it. :)

it’s funny how our relationship with our parents go through so many different phases.
when we’re children, we believe they know everything.
as teenagers, we believe they know nothing at all.
when we finally reach their age, we realize that they really didn’t know everything. we don’t know everything either.
nobody does.

happy birthday, mom.

destroying brand new furniture.
because she can. ;)

last sunday most shops in hannover, for reasons unknown to me, decided to open.
it was in one of them that i found a pink pig, lonely amongst the traditional bears. he was the last one of his species in the shop, some stitches starting to undo, and the price tag marked in red: REDUCED, from 7 euros to 3,50. rather humiliating for such a cute swine.

i had no doubts we had to be friends.
and so Percival was born. Perci, to his pals.

here he is, sitting at Jack The Ripper’s, advertising for SCUM, my favorite night spot at the lower saxony (yep, they’ve reopened):

at home, after a shower and some new stitching, telling me that he could work the “intelectual blogger” part.


soon the last flowers on the balcony will die and i will be wandering around the flat on my ugly old socks. but the cold is a great excuse to get myself around some bonne mamam jam and switch on my little lamps earlier. :)

tagged by leticia:

list seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now. post these instructions in your liveJournal along with your seven songs. then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

1. upside down – tori amos
2. groove me – king floyd
3. immigrant song – led zeppelin
4. ne me quitte pas – regina spektor
5. into your arms – lemonheads
6. i will follow you into the dark – death cab for cutie
7. the dress looks nice on you – sufjan stevens

not tagging anyone as my whole flist has done it already. ;)

if i were a song, I would be… – sorry, i can’t pick just one: flower, eels / precious things, tori amos / ordinary boys, morrissey / there’s a light that never goes out, smiths.
If I were a month, I would be… december.
If I were a day of the week, I would be… friday.
If I were a time of the day, I would be… 10AM. yes, i do love the buzz. and i’m not really an early starter. :)
If I were something from space, I would be… a dying star.
If I were a direction, I would be… lost. :)
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be… a bed.
If I were a sport, I would be… I couldn’t be a sport. ever.
If I were a pleasant activity, I would be… listening to music.
If I were a moment, I would be… now.
If I were liquid, I would be… real ale. bitter, not really fizzy but with lots of flavour. :)
If I were a precious stone, I would be… ruby.
If I were a tree, I would be… willow.
If I were a flower, I would be… a weed flower.
If I were a colour, I would be… black.
If I were a feeling, I would be… resentment, maybe. not good. gotta work on it.
If I were a spice, I would be… saffron.
If I were a book, I would be… haven’t thought about it yet.
If I were a cartoon, I would be… donald duck.
If I were a place, I would be… my room.
If I were a gesture, I would be… wave goodbye.

illustration by a beautiful revolution.